Within' Trimvuir, Cordor Theater and several inn's around the isle of Amia, a big brown leather bound book with a few brush strokes of purple, pink and yellow forming a circle, can be found. The title is embedded into the leather, but accented with black brush strokes. It reads "The Minstrels Songbook". On the spine, also embedded into the leather, it reads "Xal Ilphukiir"". The book contains different lyrics for song written by Xal, or taken from other minstrels. Mysteriously, the book seems to be ever updating, and every browsing shows something new to the reader.

The first page reads as

"Dear Reader

My name is Xal Ilphukkir, the self proclaimed "Spell Bard". During my travels I have heard many a different song in many a different tavern, and some have even inspired me to write my own lyrics. Within' this book you shall find these songs. It is my hope that this music shall spread out among the populace of Amia like disease among goblins.

Please note: Not all these songs will you be capable of singing with ease. Some are experimental, some are tried and true. Be forewarned you pick the right songs for the right audience, least you wish that instrument you wield so well to become implanted in you via some angry half orc or dwarf.

-Signed
Xal Ilphukiir"

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

The Lusty Smith

A lusty young smith at his voice stood a-filing,
His hammer laid by but his forge still a-glow.
When to him a buxom young damsel came smiling,
and asked if to work in her forge he would go.

"I will" said the smith, and they went off together,
Along to the young damsel's forge they did go.
They stripped to go to it, it was hot work and hot weather,
They kindled a fire and she soon made him blow.

With a jingle bang jingle, bang jingle bang jingle,
With a jingle bang jingle bang jingle high ho.

Her husband, she said, no good work could afford her.
His strength and his tools were worn out long ago.
The smith said "Well mine are in very good order,
and I am now ready my skill for to show".

Red hot grew his Iron, as both did desire,
And he was too wise not to strike while 'twas so.
She said, "What I get I get out of the fire,
So prithee, strike home and redouble the blow!"

With a jingle bang jingle, bang jingle bang jingle,
With a jingle bang jingle bang jingle high ho.

Six time did his iron, by vigorous heating,
Grow soft in her forge in a minute or so.
But as often was hardened, still beating and beating,
But the more it was softened, hardened more slow.

When the smith rose to go, quoth the dame full of sorrow:
"Oh what I would give could my husband do so,
Good lad with your hammer come hither tomorrow,
But pray could you use it once more 'ere you go!"

With a jingle bang jingle, bang jingle bang jingle,
With a jingle bang jingle bang jingle high ho!

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

Dance of the Knight

In summer days, when skies are gay
and green the plains and mountains,
At break of day I rose to play
Beside a little fountain.

In garden close where shone the rose
I heard a fiddle played, then
A handsome knight, that charmed my sight,
Was dancing with a maiden.

Both fair of face, they turned with grace,
To tread their day-time measure.
The flowering place, their close embrace,
Their kisses brought them pleasure.

But shortly they had slipped away
To stroll among the bowers.
To ease the heart, each played their part
In loves game on the flowers.

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

Tribute: Puff the Magic Dragon

Author: Unknown

Instrumental Music: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j905zNUS850

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Little jackie paper loved that rascal puff,
And brought him strings and sealing wax and other fancy stuff. oh

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

Together they would travel on a boat with billowed sail
Jackie kept a lookout perched on puff’s gigantic tail,
Noble kings and princes would bow whene’er they came,
Pirate ships would lower their flag when puff roared out his name. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

A dragon lives forever but not so little boys
Painted wings and giant rings make way for other toys.
One grey night it happened, jackie paper came no more
And puff that mighty dragon, he ceased his fearless roar.

His head was bent in sorrow, green scales fell like rain,
Puff no longer went to play along the cherry lane.
Without his life-long friend, puff could not be brave,
So puff that mighty dragon sadly slipped into his cave. oh!

Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee,
Puff, the magic dragon lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist in a land called honah lee.

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

Up Toy Oi

Author: Allatum the Bard

I love halfling girls, so should you
Think they won't fit? Brother, you do!
Soft and warm as a fresh-baked treat
those sweet little girls, Almost to nice to eat!

And, oh, they're fine pillows if you don't mind the snoring,
but the best part of having a halfling girl...
Is the breakfast she makes in the morning!

Go a round or four if you fancy some fun,
Try to tire on out, it can't be done!
But once you get up, she'll put it back in!
Don't get the idea that her bed is boring...

But the best part of having a halfling girl..
Is the breakfast she makes in the morning!

Girls come in every size and flavor
and every man's got a taste he favors
Some men like the tits and some like the legs!
But I like the halfling girl's rye toast and eggs!

Oh humans are fine and elves worth exploring!
But wait 'till you've had a hafling girl
and the breakfast she makes in the morning!

I've head that their size is unnerving indeed,
but they come to your waist, how taller d'you need?
Oh, most past them by but a few realize!
That everything on 'em is sweet and bite-sized!

There's plenty who'll take all that muffing your scoring!
Because the best part of having a halfling girl
Is the breakfast she makes in the morning!

When the picking are slim, and the crowd disapproving,
A clever bard calls it a night and gets moving...
Time to find a girl-hin and hope he can schtup her,
since hasn't had lunch and he can't pay for supper...

Some call it a living, and some call it whoring!
But I'd starve without those halfling girls!
And the breakfast they make in the morning!

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

A Fairy Story

In days of old in a kingdom bold, there lived a fearsome dragon.
And the King he was in great distress and the countries spirits flagoned.
Until one day there came a knight, he was handsome, bold, and charming.
And he slew the dragon with his sword with a smile that was so disarming.
With a hey and a ho and a hey nany no, a smile that was so disarming.

Said the King I wish to know your name, but the knight said do not bother.
For the name of a knight of the realm says he, is the same as any other.
Said the King tonight in my daughter's bed you shall take your leisure.
And she'll reward you for your deed, with a night of exhausting pleasure.
With a hey and a ho and a hey nany no, anight of exhausting pleasure.

One daughter she had raven hair, a maiden young and chaste.
And she slept all night in the pale moonlight, naked to the waist.
The other daughter she was fair, the fairest in the town.
And she slept all night in the pale moonlight naked from her small waist down.
With a hey and a ho and a hey nany no, naked from her small waist down.

Well the knight he spends many hour behind the castle wall.
But the ending to my story dear, isn't what it seems at all.
For in neither bed of neither maid was he repaid for his glory.
But he slept all night with the King instead for this is a fairy story.
With a hey and a ho and a hey nany no, for this is a Fairy story.

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

A Prudent Thief

Author: Cindy "The Face" Vanous

A prudent thief should never drink so much that he becomes bold.
Because a thief who boasts and brags will rarely live to grow old.
For silence is a thief's best bet and if he breaks this etiquette.
Undoubtedly what he will get...will be more trouble than gold.

Consider Zhele a thief from Greel, who drank at the Swan and Grouse.
He made himself quite popular by buying rounds for the house.
One night in drunken revelry, he made a bet with prideful glee,
But later on he would agree...he never should've been soused.

A thief's best friends are luck and speed, alertness, cunning and stealth.
And ale can cause these all to flee and cheat a thief of his wealth.
But add to this a drunken dare to steal a lock of the Empress' hair,
Then even a fool should be aware...this may be bad for your health.

So Zhele did stumble through the door in his most fearless state.
He slipped in shadows past the guard and snuck through the palace gate.
Then giggling he scaled the wall so drunk he thought he could not fall.
For wasn't he the best of all...and surely favored by Fate.

As he climbed in he saw a girl who was dressed in cloth not fur.
A palace maid? Perhaps a cook? T'was difficult to be sure.
A homely lass she did appear, but anyone looks good through beer,
So when she asked, "Why are you here?"...he said he was there for her.

He showered her with compliments for flattery was his skill.
And so they spent a pleasant time as any young couple will.
But as the dawn lit their embrace, he recognized the lady's face
From every golden coin it graced...and suddenly he felt ill.

He'd heard that drink was dangerous and now he knew for a fact.
For theives caught in the palace were hanged or stretched upon a rack.
But as this thief was kind and bold, the empress gifted him with gold.
(Then the guard made sure that he'd been told...he'd be killed if he ever came back.)

And so he was a thief no more for that was part of the deal.
His bet was lost because she gave him what he went there to steal.
So other thieves may scorn and mock his name and tale but still they flock
For a drink and a look at the Empresses Lock... the finest tavern in Greel.

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

Do Virgins Taste Better?

Author: Randy Farran of Dragons Coast

A dragon has come to our village today.
We've asked him to leave, but he won't go away.
Now he's talked to our king and they worked out a deal.
No homes will he burn and no crops will he steal.

Now there is but one catch, we dislike it a bunch.
Twice a year he invites him a virgin to lunch.
Well, we've no other choice, so the deal we'll respect.
But we can't help but wonder and pause to reflect.

Do virgins taste better than those who are not?
Are they salty, or sweeter, more juicy or what?
Do you savor them slowly? Gulp them down on the spot?
Do virgins taste better than those who are not?

Now we'd like to be shed you, and many have tried.
But no one can get through your thick scaly hide.
We hope that some day, some brave knight will come by.
'Cause we can't wait around 'til you're too fat to fly.

Now you have such good taste in your women for sure,
They always are pretty, they always are pure.
But your notion of dining, it makes us all flinch,
For your favorite entree is barbecued wench.

Now we've found a solution, it works out so neat,
If you insist on nothing but virgins to eat.
No more will our number ever grow small,
We'll simply make sure there's no virgins at all!

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

The Dragon's Retort

Author: Claire Stephens McMurray of Waterdeep

Now, I am a dragon. Please listen to me.
For I'm misunderstood to a dreadful degree.
This ecology needs me and I know my place.
But I'm fighting extinction with all of my race.

Well, I came to this village to better my health
Which is ever so poor, despite all my wealth.
But I get no assistance and no sympathy,
Just impertinent questioning shouted at me.

Yes, virgins taste better than those who are not.
But my favorite snack mixed with peril is fraught.
For my teeth will decay and my trim go to pot.
Yes, virgins taste better than those who are not.

Well, I'm really quite kind almost all through the year.
Vegetarian ways are now mine out of fear.
But a birthday needs sweets as I'm sure you'll agree.
And barbecued wench tastes like candy to me

As it happens our interests are almost the same.
You see I'm really quite skillful at managing game.
If I ate just your men, would your excess decline?
Of course not, the rest would just make better time.

Now, the number of babies a woman can bear
Has limits, and that's why my prunings done there.
And an orphan's a sad sight and so when I much.
I'm careful to eat only virgins for lunch

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"

The Boar

Author: Unknown

In a forest realm lived a great boar
That the King rode out to slay
While among the ancient oak bent and hoar
The King's mastiffs would bay

The hunting party came under the eaves
Of the vast forest realm
Amid quivering green leaves
Of tall beech and elm

For now charged the boar
Amid the horns and hunting fray
While among the ancient oak bent and hoar
The King's mastiffs would bay

Here the King came on without fear
Where the long forest shadows reach
Thus at the boar the King hurled a spear
Beneath the shifting boughs of elm and beech

For now wounded was the boar
Thus the King dismounted to slay
While among the ancient oak bent and hoar
The King's mastiffs would bay

The King drew his poniard blade
As he stood over this boar of fable
Thus he finished the bloodied beast amid a beech glade
Now the great boar would sit roasted upon the King's table

For now slayed was the boar
The King renowned for this deed in his day
While among ancient oak bent and hoar
The King's mastiffs would still ever bay

Thus celebrated is the King's brave deed
Of this the chroniclers shall tell
Upon that mighty quarry in feast to feed
Let the chroniclers speak of the great boar who fell

_________________
I keels u with my axe!

"Do ye know where the Holy-Flamin' Frost-brand Gronk-slayin' Vorpal Hammer o' woundin' an' returnin' an' Shootin'-Lightnin'-out-yer-bum is?"